Faltering Kickstarter Offers Steak Knives In Obvious Bid For Relevance

It’s not quite the eleventh hour, but we can see the trembling minute hand from here. A fortnight to go and we’ve just crested 18% funding. Faire Play 2 could be doing much better, and Coco haz a sad.

Everyone who hasn’t backed so far has made a little kitten cry.

You monsters.

tears

But! all is not lost. All is never lost, not so long as one dwarf in Moria still draws breath. Creativity reigns here at Zheng Labs, and WE WILL FIND A WAY.

So I reach down into the Bag of Holding, rummage around, and pull out a Hail Mary backer reward that will surely save this Kickstarter from the ash heap of crowdfunding history. I call forth…

STEAK KNIVES?

steak knife

Whatever, I’ll run with it.

IF YOU BACK NOW, you will receive, absolutely FREE, this fine set of digital steak knives, suitable for printing on any 3D printer.

sparky knife

Forged from the finest free-range polygons! Once printed, these serrated knives are sharp enough to slice the toughest of warm lards and are absolutely guaranteed to warp in any household dishwasher.

And that’s not all! They’re not food-safe, either!

But! Amazing as these digital steak knives may be, they are only available to people who have backed Faire Play 2 at any level. Robots are standing by to take your contribution. Help kittens now.

pledge now

Yes, I used Comic Sans. Desperate times, desperate measures.

What do you think?